I can only apologize for not updating this blog in over a year. It wasn't long after the last post here, from March 2024, that we learned Biff's treatment wasn't working. I didn't know how to share that news on the blog. And our focus shifted to "living" as much as we could in however much time he had left.
And we had some wonderful adventures. I hope to share at least some of that at the Memorial. And, I hope to someday go ahead and write and share about it here - or in some other media or format.
He died peacefully in his sleep February 12, 2025. I can't believe it has been a bit more than 6 months now. I'm not okay, in a general sense, and yet I am. Grief is brutal. Everything seems impossibly hard. But caring for him the last couple of years taught me that I am stronger than I knew. Taught me I could love more unconditionally than I knew.
I miss him so much.
I'm looking forward to finally celebrating him publicly. There is so much to celebrate.
Biff is doing great. He uses the cane almost exclusively now (instead of a walker), feeling very steady on his feet most of the time. The home service for physical therapy set up by the rehab when he came home has ended, but we asked if the VA would order more, and we have a new service sending a nurse for their initial evaluation tomorrow. Would be great to get that going again, very motivating for him!
He had an appointment with a Neurologist from the VA, and we asked about getting Occupational Therapy specifically for his hands, and the doctor said she'd order. Haven't heard back on that yet, but we'll ask the nurse doing the evaluation for PT tomorrow - they might be able to put in that request from their end, too. His hands are getting more and more nimble, but he still struggles with the fine motor skills (he hates writing anything by hand because his hand gets tired so quickly). Figure it can't hurt for him to get some specific therapy to build that functionality back up faster.
His appetite is still better than it had been, so he's eating pretty well. His weight is hovering around 150 lbs. He'd like to add some more muscle to his arms and legs, get his weight up to hover around 155 or so. We've bought him some new clothes for his new size finally. Now we just have to cull and purge some of the clothes that are way too big now!
His week working on "Night Court" was wonderful. I wish now I'd gone with him into the Stage more, rather than hang out in his dressing room (which was quite nice), just so I could have taken more pictures throughout the week. As it was, I really only took pictures on the day of taping. Here's a selection...
Quick view of his dressing room taken on the first day. Otherwise, the pictures below are from the final day.
They had pictures of him from when he was last on the show, and they basically recreated his beard to match up!
The actor prepares... "Places!" With Melissa Rauch, (Biff in the center), Nyambi Nyambi, John Larroquette, and assorted extras.
I'm happy to report the crew/staff were quite diverse. This pic is of some of the costume/make up/hair folks - great to see fun off-camera "characters," too!
These are the chairs the costume/make up/hair folks used (with me in the VIP section). They each brought in their own and rearranged as necessary, with their "stuff" in the pockets and on the little tables and cup holders... At this particular moment, they were all off working on the actors/extras between takes.
Quick anecdote: I overheard a couple of the make up/hair women talking about how funny Biff is, so I butted into the conversation (they were sitting right next to me). We talked about how they recreated his beard and offered to give me the contact info for someone who could build one for Biff to have for whenever he needs it. They said they couldn't give him the one they'd created (which they built on his face with multiple pieces) because they needed to keep it for when Biff comes back again!
Fingers crossed they get picked up for another season. This season is basically done, with only two more episodes to air. A short season, I imagine due to the Writers and Actors strikes...
I hadn't realized how long it had been since I'd gone to a sitcom taping until I saw the cameras! No longer those huge, black film cameras I remember from the last millennium. LOL And they use four now, instead of three!
This was my actual view for most of it. That's John Larroquette, India de Beaufort (both main cast), and David Foley, a Guest Star for the episode.
Fixing a light issue between takes.
My view of the main audience bleachers. The "warm up" guy worked really hard all the way through the taping, entertaining the audience between every take, not just warming them up at the top.
I wandered forward and grabbed this shot between takes. (Honestly, it was freezing at my seat, so I started getting up to stand in different spots...) I thought this was funny, John Larroquette standing a head taller than those surrounding him.
Last pic on our way out after the taping wrapped. Biff, sans recreated beard, with the Director, Kelly Park.
You can catch the episode Tuesday, March 19th, on NBC!
The cast and crew were so nice. They love Biff, and they took pretty good care of him, too. I won't lie, it took a few days to recover after the taping day. That day was long (the rest of the week, he only worked a few hours each day), and he was on his feet a lot (he'd leave the cane just offstage when he was in the scene), and we hadn't anticipated the chaotic schedule in terms of him eating (we'll do better with that next time). But he was a trooper and did an excellent job!
He's had some auditions, too, although nothing booked yet. Here is a clip of one brief "scene" he had to do (NSFW - DO NOT SHARE! - raw take I'm sharing for fun):
They might cast him for this part, although they've had him do another audition video for a bigger part since, and we're waiting to hear (they have checked his availability, so we're hopeful).
In the meantime, life feels a little more normal lately. Still a slog and still rough at times, but Biff is much less of an invalid now. It's heartening.
His latest immuno therapy infusion treatment on March 6th was the easiest yet. We were able to go in at 10am instead of 8am, which made a huge difference in terms of how early we had to get up to crawl through morning commute traffic. And it was the first time Biff didn't sleep the rest of the day afterward! He didn't even take a nap. So nice that the fatigue didn't knock him down.
He gets a new scan this coming week, and we'll see the Oncologist after that to find out how well the treatment is working on the cancer. I'm optimistic. He's doing so well, his color is good, appetite better, energy better. Hoping for good news!
Other than that, I've been trying to keep myself moving forward, slow as it can be some days. Have made it a daily priority to work on digital art (learning, experimenting, webinars, etc.) and I continue to add Zentangles to my beautiful book. At least a little bit every day! Really does help ease some of the relentless stress while I work out how to find balance in our new reality. I'm so grateful to have such an abundance of tools and resources available!
Oh, as for my Jury Duty Summons, I was not called in until the last day of the week, last Friday, and all of us called that day were put into the one trial they were working to fill. As there was no way I could actually serve on the trial (they anticipated it would be up to 3 weeks long), I explained our situation and was dismissed. I felt remarkably guilty. So hard to not do what was being asked by the court, my country - crazy as it sounds... I truly felt torn. It can really suck to be a hopeless people pleaser. Ridiculous. But I was truly grateful the Judge said, "Go home and take care of your husband."
Otherwise, here are just a few more pictures from the last few weeks. Enjoy!
We've had so much rain!
It even looks like we have a great lawn in our front yard...
Our puppies continue to bond.
We celebrated Bopper's 10th birthday, too!
Had a nice visit with our pal, "Uncle Gibby!"
As you can tell from the floor, the dogs had strewn toy guts about...
I voted, too!
(LOL - he has clothes that fit much better now.)
Hope everyone is having a great Spring. I'll be in touch with more news soon. Thanks again for all the support. It means more than I can say. XOXO
Wow, it's been over a month since I posted an update! I'd say I can't believe it, but the truth is, I do believe it. LOL It's been hectic for me the last couple of months...
The good news is that Biff is doing great! He's gained about 10 lbs. since he's been home, hovering around 150 lbs. now. He's eating much better. His appetite is better and the residual taste problems continue to resolve.
He's had two of the new immuno-only infusion treatments now (they happen every three weeks). The first one left him pretty fatigued for several days, but he really picked up energy and strength once he'd recovered a bit. And then the second treatment knocked him back, but not nearly as much. Don't get me wrong, he still wears out relatively quickly, and he's not pushing himself too hard to be super active on a daily basis, but he's making excellent progress.
One of the common side effects of the immuno therapy is impact on his thyroid. They've added thyroid medication to counteract that issue (I don't fully understand - have gotten a couple of different explanations, but his test number should be 5 or less and his was at 14 - whatever that number measures!?!?), and that is probably helping with the fatigue, according to his Oncologist when we saw him last Thursday.
Biff's blood pressure still tends to hover at the very lowest edge of the acceptable range, but he doesn't notice any impact - he doesn't feel dizzy or anything. Although that can also be contributing to the fatigue issue.
He's completed the currently approved at-home Physical Therapy sessions, and we're waiting for a new evaluation. I believe they will either approve more at-home sessions, or they will decide he's ready to go to on-site sessions. We'll find out!
In the meantime, he's still being seen by a nurse at the house once a week, and we have an aid that comes once a week to help him shower. Perhaps that's an abundance of caution, but it's a big relief to have a trained professional come help him with that. No idea how long these services will continue. But, he's back in the VA system, seeing various doctors already to keep everything on track.
A week or so after the next immuno infusion on March 6th, they will do another scan, and we'll go over those results with the Oncologist later that week, see how well the treatment is working on the cancer. I feel pretty hopeful on that front because his appetite is improving and he's gaining weight. So, fingers crossed!
I was projecting my laptop screen to the TV, and
this old pic of BW came up on the desktop rotation,
so I had Biff stand to take a comparison pic.
Those pants are actually brand new - and still SO baggy!
We're waiting for some new jeans we ordered, in a
slimmer style. He kinda likes his pants loose anyway,
but it was a little ridiculous with some of his old pairs.
Some exciting news, too: he's been booked to come back on "Night Court" as his recurring character, Kenny! Even though he doesn't look quite the same these days. So, he'll be working on the Warner Bros. lot next week.
I'll be able to drive him and even hang out to keep an eye on him. I know that lot well, having worked for WB for a few years awhile back. I figure I'll find out if someone is going to be able to take extra care of him when we go in on Monday, when I plan to stick around for the whole time no matter what. If they do, I may not stay the whole time every day, but I can. Even if I just go hang out at the Commissary with my laptop and stuff, so I'm handy if needed.
I'll admit, I'm a little nervous about it, but I'm shifting to excited to see him get back out there. We've been doing some taped auditions lately, too, although he hasn't heard back on any of those yet. Thank goodness, in a way. He's not ready for a crazy busy schedule (neither am I - I've had to juggle a variety of appointments for next week as it is). But working on a sitcom, in a situation he's already familiar with, and they love him (he was on the original "Night Court" back in the 80s/early 90s, and they asked him back for the new version back in 2022 - three or four episodes now!) - if he can handle any on-camera work, he should be able to handle this! We will, of course, let everyone know when the episode is going to air when the time comes.
Otherwise, the pups are doing well. Wiggles really has some trouble with the rain - does not like to go out in the wet and cold to do her business, so accidents have continued in the house, but she's a delight and learning. We'll get that sorted eventually. She's more and more affectionate with all of us, although I think Bopper is still her favorite. They cuddle together a lot lately.
I added some blur to the background to emphasize
the "heart" shape they made in this pic...
There are two of these little beds, but they like to share one sometimes...
Getting out to walk whenever the rain breaks!
We had a really foggy morning recently,
- but so much green...
And another cute cuddle photo op when we got back home!
As for me, I have to admit the last two months have often been brutal. The load has often felt too heavy, and I've struggled. Sank into a pretty dark place for a couple of weeks. But I'm getting a better handle on dealing with everything. Have adjusted my depression/anxiety meds, too, and started talk therapy again (although I'm not sure this new therapist is a great fit yet, but I'll give it a couple more sessions before I consider a change). I am basically handling (sometimes better than other times) everything. The most distressing issue now is an excessive amount of complicated paperwork, in part because I jumped on catching some things up while he was in the hospital/rehab, following up on outstanding projects, and more things have developed in terms of medical insurance issues, and more craziness with LIFE CRAP that can lead me to moments of hysteria. I'm trying to just accept and roll with it, do the best I can and be at peace with that, but it is still overwhelming me at times.
And it's just been a season of nothing going easy. Like discovering during the rodent extermination treatment that we have subterranean termites and then a water pipe being broken during the treatment for those nasty termites, which stopped everything on that treatment and has left our outside water turned off since the pipe broke - back on December 29th! So, I've been dealing with trying to get the exterminator company to get the pipe fixed for about two months now, not to mention finish the termite treatment. Hell, I had a crazy nightmare ordering pizza when we had some dear friends come over to watch Self-Reliance at the house! I mean, c'mon - ordering pizza is usually a slam-dunk!
And it was really fun to get a Jury Summons, too.........ð
But I'm doing better now. I know there will be times I sink into the pit again, but those times pass. And I never completely gave into it this time. Years in the past, I would have climbed into bed for at least a week. This time, I still was able to do what absolutely had to be done to take care of our family and household. Honestly, that's a huge victory for me!
And I'm making it a priority to take some time for creative pursuits, particularly digital art, but I'm also hoping to get a creative writing practice going. And I've started to Zentangle again. It's so fun and also quite relaxing. My beloved sister, Daphne, gave me a cool blank book for Christmas. It's cover reminded me of Zentangles, and I wasn't sure how I would fill the book... Then I realized it would be a perfect opportunity to get back to doing Zentangle! It is a meditative practice.
I narrated this quick tour of my Zentangle book-so-far, but you really don't need to listen.
Maybe I'll even find time to read books again soon. LOL For some reason, I haven't been great at giving that favorite activity any time at all. If I have a moment to read, I tend to read news on my phone. And I have had recurring periods of obsessively playing games on my phone, which I finally broke free from. Games are great, and they helped when I needed a distraction, but I much prefer to spend that time on other pursuits, and I'm pleased to have figured out how to give myself permission to prioritize those pursuits as best I can during this transitional time in our lives.
I continue to learn about strength I didn't know I had. And how to forgive myself for not always being solid and cheerful. Caretaking is a tough job. And finding balance will be an ongoing process. Onward and onward.
And I know Biff continues to find strength and resilience and is looking forward to getting back to his career again. Things will never return to the life we led before all this - and, hell, the pandemic before that! And that's okay. We're in the process of figuring out what's most important and what's possible to have in this new life before us.
Usually life changes in less dramatic ways, little by little, less painfully, less noticed. But the truth is, it is always changing. Just gotta keep going and enjoy the change, the revelations, the growth. Even when it's painful. It seeems to me, in this moment right now, it's the pain that reveals the profound. If that makes any sense.
I truly hope 2024 is treating everyone well. May you all be safe, warm, dry, and comfortable.
A quick update - I'm super busy these days, so it's harder to manage a more detailed post.
We spoke to the Oncologist late yesterday afternoon. Biff is going to resume Immuno infusion treatment for the cancer next week Wednesday (January 24). He's doing well with his recovery, and we all decided he's ready to get back on that horse.
Now we need to keep our fingers crossed that he doesn't have to deal with much in terms of side effects. The dosage will be the same as he received before - but there won't be any chemo, nor the extra meds that go along with that (anti-nausea, etc.). As the doc put it before, however, there is "low risk, not no risk." At least, the infusion sessions will be much shorter!
And, we also will keep our fingers crossed that this treatment manages his cancer well. We won't know about that until after three infusions - which will be every 3 weeks, so we'll know more on this point mid March.
In the meantime, he's doing well with his PT (he even went to the grocery store with me today), his appetite is getting better (slowly) - and he gained a couple pounds!
Happy trails for 2024!
Following are a few random recent pics with friends, etc.
With Cam and Connor!
With Francesca!
Another with Cam and Connor (Hollywood sign in the distant background - Connor was visiting from back East for a few days)!
It was a pretty chaotic holiday season. My apologies for not updating this blog sooner. I hope everyone had a great holiday season and festive New Year celebrations!
We had the joy of bringing Biff home on December 30th, so our New Year's celebration was a good one, albeit quiet and simple. Biff continues to get better and better every day.
We've already seen his Oncologist. To give him a little more time to recover, cancer treatment is waiting another couple of weeks, but we expect to resume immunotherapy soon. No chemo planned for now.
In the meantime, we have home health care and physical therapy on the schedule and already happening. He's eating better, his sense of taste returning, but we still need to work on his appetite, put a little meat back on those bones!
His recover has been truly remarkable. He did a virtual press junket with Jake Johnson yesterday morning... Tonight, we are attending a Hulu premiere party for Self Reliance, which drops on Hulu on Friday, January 12th. They are sending a car! We're not sure how long we'll be staying, but it is exciting that Biff will get to have a "red carpet" moment for this wonderful film. We were able to go see it on the Big Screen on January 3rd (a one night only event), and it's a blast. And Biff is great!
In the meantime, I'd prepared a video to show at an annual holiday party Biff had to miss this year, and I've ended up expanding it into a small tribute to his resilience during this intense and difficult time in his life. I will be posting it on social media, but here it is if you want to check it out. It's just under 10 minutes long, so you have been warned. (Apparently, I really don't know how to be brief - LOL.)
Wishing everyone the best, and I'll be updating again soon.
Okay, once again, it's been too long since my last update. It's been a grind, what can I say... But I have wonderful news!
Biff is scheduled to be discharged from rehab on December 30th! He's been doing very well with therapy. He's worked really hard, and it has been difficult, but he has excelled and exceeded the expectations of all his therapists.
There will be Home Health care to follow (a nurse will visit once a week, and he'll have physical therapy twice a week). Possibly some private help, in particular I'm exploring the possibility of a night-sitter, which will (hopefully) allow me to sleep better through the night knowing someone is ready to help him if he needs it for any reason. No matter what, we must avoid future falls!!!
Further, when I called to leave a message for his Oncologist about the discharge, he answered the phone himself! (I was so shocked, I acted like an idiot LOL.) We've already scheduled a CT Scan for the 3rd, and we'll meet with the doctor on the 4th to discuss resuming his cancer treatment!
And now, for something entirely different, I'm sharing the poster for the movie Biff finished shooting the weekend before his throat surgery back last December: Self-Reliance.
Look at Biff, right there in the center!
It will be shown in 250 AMC theaters across the country on January 3rd only. A very limited theatrical run before it drops on Hulu. Click here to look for locations and times! If that doesn't work, run a search for "Self-Reliance AMC January 3 2024" adding your area at the end. Obviously, it isn't going to show up everywhere - but there will be Hulu after that, which is available everywhere!
I'm so glad we'll be able to go see it once in a "real" movie theater!!!
Also, I've already arranged to take him out of the rehab facility for the afternoons of both Christmas Eve and Day (which also happens to be our wedding anniversary). Woo hoo!
So, here we are, about to turn another corner in this crazy adventure! This man, this Biff Wiff, continues to beat the odds. Seriously, people at the rehab (nurses, aides, therapists, guests of his roommate, etc.) all tell him they are amazed by the improvement since he was transferred there on December 4th.
Not to mention the difference from November 19th in the hospital after his second surgery when it looked like he might not make it home ever again...
Love to everybody - may all the days be merry and bright, at least in spirit! May there be peace on earth and goodwill to all.
And, for something sweet and joyful, if you'd like to learn more about our surprise wedding back in 2018, click on "Read more" below.
Well, it's been a busy week or so, and I'm always out of time and energy to get back on the blog. So, here's the major news, to get you all caught up on the current situation.
The night of December 4th, Biff was discharged to a Skilled Nursing Rehab facility. In some ways it's great, but, of course, he still wants to come home. Really, really wants to come home. Unforuntately, although he is doing well with Physical and Occupational Therapy and improving every day in every way, he's still too weak to come home just yet.
The facility is okay. The food is much better than the hospital! And his swallow function has improved a lot, and he's able to eat regular food, though still on the softer side. He's still struggling with appetite, but at least he's happy to eat most things they bring now, and the appetite seems to be growing a little. He did lose a pound in the last week (down to 138 lbs.), so I try to be there for one or two meals every day, encourage him, help him when he needs help feeding himself. He's gotten much better at all of that, although soup is still too tricky. But his right hand is getting stronger and the fine motor skills are working hard to come back.
He speaks better and better, too, and he's getting quite steady on his feet, walking with a walker and supervision more and more. We all, Biff included, consider keeping him from falling again a top priority, but he's able to do for himself more every day, even as he's supervised. He also is starting to really get into doing exercises in bed for his arms and legs. And I've brought him pen and paper, encouraging him to practice writing a little every day. His hand wears out fast, but he keeps at it.
One of the nice things is I can take him outside (and he can wear his own clothes!). Here's the first time I took him out on the 7th:
He wears a sun hat and sunglasses when he goes out now.
A little "blinded by the light" here. LOL
There are sliding glass doors to a courtyard in his room, too - having the natural light is a big help. Here he is working a word search puzzle - practicing with the pen!
There have been visitors, always fun, including one that created a potential COVID "exposure" (okay, that isn't fun, even though the visit was). The visitor who later tested positive was masked the entire visit, and Biff and I are both recently boosted on the vaccination, too. Neither of us ever had any symptoms and tested negative, but they did ask me to stay away for 3 days and test negative again before returning. It was lonely for both of us, although we spoke on the phone multiple times each day. I've got his phone set up so he can more easily call me. And he's poking his head into emails and texts a bit, but it's hard for his hands to manage the cell easily. So, small steps, you know?
One of the coolest things that's happened is the trailer has dropped on YouTube for the movie he did with Jake Johnson called Self-Reliance. One of Biff's last projects before he had to start cancer treatment. It's finally going to drop on Hulu next month! He actually shot some new, additional footage the weekend before he had surgery on his throat last December. I can't wait.
Okay, finally, they removed more than 62 staples and one thread suture from the incisions on his head. If you would like to see pictures of the scar (it's a doozy), click the "Read more" below. Otherwise, I'll be posting another update as soon as I can manage it. Our dear guy has dodged death about 3 extra times this go round. It boggles my mind.
Now, over all this, we have to get him healthy enough to resume his cancer treatment as soon as possible. Keeping a close eye on all that, as we battle this new front. Gotta hand it to him: his determination is undaunted. Me and the dogs can't wait till he can come home safely.
So, he was moved to the 4th floor around midnight Wednesday night (time according to Biff). He's now in room 4221. It's smaller, but there is a window! Unfortunately, it's not in his line of sight, but he can see the natural light in the room. I have also taken pictures of the view to show him. (Visitor chair is also more comfortable!)
The care is a step down from ICU, in the Tele-Neuro unit. He needs to use the call button to call for help in this room, and I've shown him how, and he can push it, but I'm not entirely sure i?the concept is sticking yet, so I keep working on that with him. This morning he at least can always find it when I ask him where it is.
He's mostly alert, speaking well, although some confusion still occurs. Like, he asked me to give him his clothes a few times, so he can change... But the last time, he stopped himself, remembering he can't put on his own clothes just yet. ðĨđ
So far, they have continued to restrain him at the waist, to prevent him from trying to get up on his own. They have spoken to him about it, and I've spoken to him at length about it, and he acknowledges, understands ("You won't survive another fall, honey" - "I know!)... And, a little later, he starts trying again to get up and/or asks me to help him stand... ("You always tell me No!")
Today they have advised they are going to remove the restraint and put a video monitor in his room. They assure me someone is always watching that monitor and will immediately inform the nurse if Biff tries to get up without help. ðŽ
Pill medications they were crushing and putting in via the feeding tube are now crushed into apple sauce... Which he does not care for... ð
Eating is tough. He hates almost all the food, most of which is pureed, with thickened liquids only. His swallow function is compromised, and their is serious reason to worry about food/liquid going into his airway. We are working on exercises for that. And the special diet. So far, although his arms and hands are functioning better, he has to be fed (also helps push him to eat more - a constant refrain of "one more bite"). I do the feeding when I'm here.
Sadly, he hates the food so much (the whole cancer messing up his taste buds contributes to the problem), my threat that they will install a feeding tube in his side, is not working so well. Yesterday, he said he might prefer that. ð
I've been advised that kind of feeding tube isn't necessarily permanent, but it's a minimum of 6 weeks if they install it, even if he starts eating regular food more quickly. It doesn't prevent him from eating and drinking anyway. And the crushed medications can be put in that way, which probably is better than meds crushed in apple sauce or pudding or any other food...
The nurse says their goal here is to get him ready to move to the next step - long-term care (convalescent facility?) or Acute Rehab... I am expecting to speak to the Case Manager today.
He's doing well with PT. He was on his feet again yesterday, and took several forward steps with a walker (and therapist holding him with a belt to make sure he didn't fall), and then he sat in a chair for more than half an hour, even had his lunch while in the chair.
He insisted I take his picture like this.
Giggling like a kid, he said, "I'm an asshole."
Not sure what prompted that, but it tickled him.
Today, he walked to the doorway of his room and back (again, with walker and therapist spotting him), and sat in the chair for half an hour again - but this session was before lunch. His right arm and hand are gaining strength and function every day.
He was very tired and happy to get back in bed after that, snoozing as I write this. He had a rough night. Pulled the urine pouch off 3 times, and kept fighting the restraint, trying to get up.
I'm nervous about the planned change to a video monitor, but they feel strongly they can't keep restraining him. Which he really doesn't like. I'll keep reminding him to use the call button for help. Try to trust they will monitor him closely, make sure he is safe. Everyone, Biff included, understands he cannot survive another fall!
So, a corner turned. We'll see what the next few days bring. ❤️
Well, yesterday they were a little too optimistic in the morning. He's still in the ICU, although blood pressure is doing better. And they are adding food (all soft, pureed) and thicker liquids to drink with the nutrition they are still putting in via the feeding tube in his nose. He's still a risk for aspiration (food going into airway), so they are being very cautious - but they don't feel he needs to have feeding tube put into his side, which is good! He even asked for pudding today, separate from meals!
Yesterday, I spoke to the Oncologist referred from this hospital. He knows Biff's regular Oncologist. I gave him the contact number, and he said he'd call him and "circle back" to me, help me get that cancer element organized.
Today, Biff was very alert. He's starting to get confused about what time it is, which is common in the ICU (no windows to the outside). However, when I told him it was Tuesday, he said, "Poker night!" ☺️
My brother visited this morning, and a good friend (he actually married us) came for another visit while Dana was here. Our friend's previous visit, Biff hadn't been able to speak intelligibly at all, so he was really happy to talk to his pal again.
And, while I was back home for a midday break, two of his poker buddies visited. They called me afterward to tell me how great their visit was. They were really thrilled to see him doing so well.
Oh, his right arm and hand are getting better, too. He could squeeze my finger with that hand for the first time even!! AND, I was there when PT came around 5pm, and that small but mighty woman, Ruth, got him standing with a walker, using his arms to help, and he even took three small steps to the side, sat down for a quick rest, then stood again for a couple minutes before he said he needed to lay back down. First time he's stood since the fall nearly two weeks ago!!! And that after exercises in the bed.
I'm hoping he sleeps very well tonight.ðĨ°
It's a wild ride, but today was another good day. ❤️❤️❤️
Very alert this morning! Talking better. Moved that right arm more than I've seen him since we got here!
They say if they can get his Blood pressure stabilized, they will move him out of ICU later today! Trying a new medication, so ðĪ. Still getting lots of other meds, too, of course...
I am scheduled to talk on the phone with an Oncologist around noon, trying to understand how much he must recover from this before he can get back to the other track...
Barium swallow test scheduled for 2pm - hoping we can get the feeding tube out of his nose...
Nurse advised PT will be working him hard today. He says he's ready!
He started talking again yesterday! Not always intelligible, but doing better. And starting to really understand what the situation is, asking to go home... Short term memory is hit or miss, so I explain what's happening when he asks. But his spirit is really fighting to come back. I don't know how he can be so tough - he's already been through so much.
And I was advised last night that he's already recovered from pneumonia!!! They only diagnosed pneumonia Thanksgiving Day!! They obviously nipped that in the bud.
Still working on getting the feeding tube out of his nose, testing his swallow function. They believe he'll be able to do the Barium swallow test tomorrow, if he does as well as he's doing today. He ate a whole half cup of pudding!!
When I asked if he wanted me to turn on football on the TV, he said, "Chargers?" LOL Also watched Rams. I was off for a lunch break before that game was over. When I got back, Biff made a point of telling me, "The Rams lost again." ð Then later, I mistakenly said, "Lakers made a field goal." He looked at me, laughing, and said, "Lakers!?!?"ðĨ°
Long, long road ahead. But today is going pretty well. He's trying so hard. And being so sweet.
Sad to report there has been a regression. When I arrived yesterday morning, he was not able to speak again. Able to follow some commands, somewhat alert, but not communicating much in any way.
Lots of tests, scans - nothing dramatic showing, but they were able to stabilize sodium, blood pressure, etc.
Nothing has changed today, although he is sleeping mostly so far. Which is good. He needs it.
Doctor is not surprised, this is almost expected in the ICU. He needs time and rest. He's been through a lot. "Miraculous he's even here."
Need to be patient. We'll see how the next couple of days go.
Wow, another long day. And it's a whole different level of distraction with his sisters and my Mom with me most of the day...ðĪŠ
When I first arrived, alone at first with him, he was chatty, and speaking much more clearly, even a few whole sentences. He also asked how he got there, so he's definitely more awake and aware. Also shows some short term memory lost, but I think it's a blessing that he doesn't remember all that trauma.
I also explained that we weren't at the VA, telling him we were at the Northridge Medical Center - and from that point on, whenever medical staff asked him if he knew where he was, he said Northridge Medical Center instead of hospital, so he retained that right off.
But it was a busy day for him. PT assessed him. They couldn't get him to sit on the edge of the bed or stand yet, but they got him moving his right arm and fingers more, asking us to encourage him to do more of that... He was exhausted after that, and when the swallow people came shortly after, his speech was a little mushy, he was a less alert.
He didn't quite pass the swallow test, so feeding tube is still in. They are going to do a barium swallow test either tomorrow or Friday (they weren't sure they could squeeze him in tomorrow with only holiday staff). He had one of these back in July, and I even snagged a little video of it. You can see that at this link, if you're curious: Click here for video.
They want to make sure they didn't create any issues when they intubated him before they move forward on removing feeding tube, it have him try to eat/drink.
And they took him for a new MRI. Nothing too dramatic, but swelling it going down. I was a little nervous - last time they did MRI, I got call that they had to do 2nd surgery. This time I had to ask for a report on results. "No news is good news..."
I waited for him to ask for his phone, which he did later in the afternoon. I put it in his left hand that is currently working better than his right, and he was too tired to lift it, but talked about how heavy it was. And said he didn't have anyone he needed to call. And he didn't want me to help him look at anything. But he wanted to hold it.
I'm not sure he could figure out how to answer it just yet either. Wish I'd thought to turn ringer off, just let it vibrate instead. He usually doesn't get too many calls, so hopefully he won't get any before I go back in the morning.
He was more alert and speaking better by the time I did leave. His sisters had turned on his TV, which he really wasn't paying attention to, but he didn't want it turned off.
Back to see him in the morning. Pooped tonight. But went okay!!! Generally another good day!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow. We are feeling very thankful for all the support from everyone. May you all be safe and eat well! ðĨ°✌️
Not that he is out of the weeds, but today was a relatively great day.
They had reduced some sedation before I arrived, and he was more awake. A little at least. Still hooked up to all the machines, etc., but they had removed the drains and most bandages from his head.
After the doctor's visit around 10am, they stopped all sedation, sat him up more, turned on more lights in the room, encouraging him to wake up more. Then they adjusted the ventilator (breathing tube machine), and he immediately started breathing on his own. After about an hour, they removed the tube, allowing him to breathe all by himself.
And he was able to hoarsely speak a couple words and respond to questions and commands more and more. And he was definitely seeing people, responding. I think it was extra helpful that his sisters arrived to spend time with him, too! And a close friend also visited... Hell, he even had two nurses today, instead of just one - it was busy and eventful. Especially after nothing much at all, and only me visiting, the day before.
He continued to improve as the day went along. He said my name, his name, said "I love you, too" and "okay" to several questions, also nodding and shaking his head no. He gave us many thumbs up with his working left hand.
Then another big one: he moved his right arm!! It had been flaccid and useless (if you don't count it being a pin cushion for IVs) since the first surgery, but now it is starting to move on command.
Honestly, it's hard to remember everything. They removed a "central line" from his neck, too. They plan to remove his catheter at midnight (not sure why midnight, but whatever).
Let's see... They will test his swallow function again and, hopefully, remove the feeding tube from his nose tomorrow. AND they want to start PT tomorrow!!
Now, there is a long way to go. At least, that's what they anticipate, although with this tough dude, who knows, you know? But there is still the cancer, of course. And the Oncologist advised that without treatment, things will progress pretty quickly, and they can't treat for the cancer while he's in bad shape from this current situation, so we'll need to figure out what can be coordinated with all of it sooner rather than later.
But at least it doesn't look like he's going to need to relearn how to talk!! In fact, I had just gotten home from the hospital when one of the nurses called. He'd asked her to call me so he could ask me something. In a hoarse whisper (breathing tube does a number on your throat and vocal cords), he said, "Bring me my phone." LOL
That's my guy. I'm not sure how well he'll be able to use it right away, but it is clear he's still there, you know? I wasn't sure he was the last few days. But he is definitely still there!
I'm charging his phone up as I type this, and I'll be bringing it to him first thing in the morning.
Maybe next post, I'll even add a picture. I've been taking them, but it's been too hard to share them. Maybe when we're past the worst of this, if he's okay with it, I'll share some of them. Maybe not. I only consider it because the transformation from one day to the next has been crazy. Good and bad. It's really amazing.
Apologies again for getting so behind on the updates here. This is going to be a quick, abbreviated recap only. It's all I can manage just now.
The final cycle of chemo went pretty well. It zapped his strength again, but he was recovering well and feeling better and better after the last round. He had a new scan on the 13th, last Monday, and he was scheduled to see the Oncologist on Thursday the 16th to discuss results and plans going forward.
It breaks my heart to share that he had a bad fall around 5am or so that morning. Although I could see no evidence of injury, he said he'd hit his head hard. For the first time, for all the falls in the last year, his head ached horribly, and he was somewhat confused and not always making sense when he talked to me. He also vomited.
I asked if he could tell me his name, and when he couldn't, I called 911 for the first time.
They took him to a hospital ER nearby. I joined him there. They processed him quickly, and a CT scan was done, and a large bleed showed, requiring immediate surgery. Which happened a little later that morning.
Post-op there were signs of improvement initially. However, yesterday the swelling started to expand again, and they performed the surgery again.
He remains in the ICU currently, fully sedated. He is intubated to help with getting all his vitals and "levels" stabilized. They have started giving him some nutrition via feeding tube. They've been pumping potassium, magnesium, fluids, electrolytes and more that I couldn't name.
I am not sharing every detail, but the situation is critical, and the next few days will be difficult while we see how things progress. Unfortunately, the last year of cancer treatment has complicated everything.
I fear it does not look good. If he survives, long-term rehab will be necessary.
I will post again, with updates, as best I can.
In a year of horrors and scary shit, this is the worst. I sit with him, tell him how much I love him, how much everyone loves him, whatever comes to mind in the moment. It hurts more than I can say that he can't respond.
I keep telling everyone at the hospital what a great guy he is, that if he could speak, he'd be making them laugh. And I know they are taking good care of him.
Biff's white blood cell count was too low to start the final chemo cycle (of the original plan) today after all. They told him "sometimes it takes a little longer to recover." No shit.
But he has been weaker from the last cycle, so I'm glad they decided to postpone. I was worried about how weak he might get going forward with this next cycle, because he had another fall last week.
It was a tough week, that's for sure...
He fell just before midnight last Monday. He'd gotten up to go to the bathroom, pausing at a doorway to steady himself, but his head "went swirly" and his "legs just gave out."
He hadn't been using his cane or walker, feeling steady on his feet in spite of the extreme fatigue. He's been using the walker and cane more since, to be safer.
Unfortunately, he bashed his forehead into a framed picture, breaking the glass. Sliced his forehead up real nice, and his eyeglasses cut the bridge of his nose (but the eyeglasses didn't break!). He never lost consciousness or showed any neurological impairment though. And he really did not want to go to the ER.
I heard the crash from the bedroom (I was awake reading) and came running. Had been so long since the last fall at home, I forgot my rule about putting on footwear before the adrenaline-fueled charge out to help him. And there was broken glass. I was lucky and managed to avoid the glass before I dashed back to get something on my feet. And I was able to quickly clear the bulk of the broken glass while he waited on the floor with a wet cloth to his bloody wound, before helping him up and back to his recliner just a couple feet away.
Cleaned him up a bit and put an ice pack on his head, then cleaned up the rest of the glass and the blood on the floor, the wall, his glasses I found in the mess.
Then I set a timer to come check on him in an hour. And another hour to check again. I couldn't sleep, playing a game on my phone, my mind racing the whole time.
Around 4am, I decided to reorganize my pillows and lay down, try to sleep, only to get another adrenaline jolt when I discovered bugs...
Bedbugs... UGH! We've never had that problem before. I started to detail that craziness here, but it's too much. The gist: lots of work (big thanks to my brother for major help getting the bed out of the house and other clean up!) and very gross. And still a work in progress. Official exterminator inspection happening this afternoon, and we'll find out what's next for fully resolving the problem. I'm pretty convinced it's contained in the one bedroom, so if they say heat treatment is needed, hopefully it can be just for that one room and not the entire house, but TBD...
In the meantime, the new bed has arrived, waiting in boxes to be assembled, and I'm still sleeping (more or less) on the couch. Lots of fun, dontcha know.
And, back to Biff!
On Wednesday, he finally caved to my nagging, and we went to the ER to get him checked out. We expected to be there for hours and hours, but he was moved through relatively quickly. They did a CT scan, which came back clear, no sign of brain bleed from the latest fall. Physical exam showed no neurological issues either. They cleaned up and dressed the cuts on his head and sent him home with antibiotics.
Picture from today.
It was a relief to be sure he was really okay. That hard head of his... Works for and against, amiright? ð
So, we continue to slog through. Bedbugs. For fucks sake. (I'll focus there - not as scary as dealing with another fall after all this time.)
So, I've been too overwhelmed to post updates "in real time" but the big news of the moment for his cancer treatment is the delay of the next chemo cycle for a week.
Oh, and by the way, Biff's 75th birthday is tomorrow. He's not into any major celebrating but sending him some Happy would, I know, be much appreciated.
And, to cleanse the palate a little, here are some pictures with the dogs. Enjoy!
So, Biff's got the latest chemo grenade attached. Fatigue has been tough. But he's hanging in there. And he's still steadier on his feet than he was when he had those falls and ended up in the hospital back in May. Not a single fall since that horrible month.
Wiggles, our new pup, continues to become a beloved member of our family more and more. Totally bonded with Bopper, and more and more affectionate with us humans, too. She is a real character, so energetic and wiggly (until she passes out for a nap!). Still shocks us - we really had forgotten how exhausting a puppy can be. But entertaining, too.
Working together to protect the backyard
from squirrels.
LOL
Have also had fun visiting with my brother, Dana, and his girlfriend, Jenny, and their big dogs, Tank and Soda Pop (I have to remember to take some pictures next visit - Soda Pop and Wiggles LOVE to play and run!). They've recently relocated to L.A. from New York. So nice to have them closer. (Shout out to their cat, Fife, too - he tends to stay out of sight while the dogs take over during our visits.)
Generally, I think the relentless stress has worn us out, with the impact hitting hard recently. We had considered taking a trip this month but had to accept it's not feasible with chemo treatments still in progress. I've also been dealing with dental problems, which, at least for me, are never fun. ð
Anyway, we keep on keeping on, as best we can. Some days are harder than others. Letting our life keep pretty quiet and mellow for now. As we gather our energy and focus again (slowly but steadily), we'll be getting back to house projects and engagement with life outside our little bubble. And I'll get back to more postings here...
For now, we just try to allow ourselves some grace, accepting that we are doing our best during this difficult year.
Always so grateful we have each other to share this life - in sickness and in health, and all the rest of it. ❤️
From our brief visit to San Diego last month.
I have so many pics of the pups -
perhaps I'll do a post with a bunch of those sometime...
