I've gotten behind again. I was hoping to do a longer, deeper post today, but I don't think it's going to happen. Soon! (I'll admit I fell into a depressed, bad mood of my own last Friday and decided not to post when I felt so negative. Since then moods have gone up and down for both of us, and then, well, busy-ness of life overwhelmed.)
His magnesium was low again, so another added 2-hour drip for today, plus we'll have to come back in Friday for another 2-hour drip. I think Biff thought the push to get more magnesium-rich foods into him, along with more calories in general, would miraculously solve the problem. Not sure he has a realistic sense of how little he is really eating these days. Even though he is making himself eat more than he was before the doctors pushed on the weight and magnesium.
Certainly, I can understand his frustration. Yesterday he weighed in at 177.6 lbs. That's 10 lbs. down since January 15th.
Truth is, we are heading into the hardest part of the "known" treatment. It will likely be rough, but we can manage it. May have a little more of the lows relative to the highs, but he's a tough old dog. And he's determined. Not to mention stubborn!
I know part of his mood today is just the fact of having to slog through the long day. And part of it is he doesn't like the nurse. She has a heavy accent and speaks too quickly for him to understand easily. And, well, she doesn't really listen to him. Insisted he take a bed, even though both of us insisted he'd rather be in the recliner. He told me when he asked for more water, he asked for no ice, just water. She brought back a bucket of ice and filled his pitcher. When he reminded her he just wanted water, she said to suck on the straw, there was water in there... So, sadly, not a good match for him. He tries to be friendly and easy on the caregivers, but when they refuse to hear him (me included), it pisses him off. And when he doesn't feel well to begin with, his mood has little chance of brightening up until he can get out of the situation driving him nuts.
Yesterday, he was energetic enough to take care of a couple chores on his own. Today, I wish he could just go to sleep. Worry that he's winding himself up. Poor guy.
Just a few more hours, then we'll get him home and relaxing.
We have a busy day tomorrow. Hoping the magnesium and hydration from today will give him the same kind of boost he got last week. Family visiting from out of town, so I'm hoping for a pleasant visit in the afternoon, after 2 doctor appointments and radiation!
Only one more full chemo session after this one. Then we just need to get through the rest of radiation, which will hopefully wrap up by the end of the month!
After that, onward to recovery and off around the next bend in the road of this strange journey.
Wishing everyone love, light, and good health. XOXO
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