I can only apologize for not updating this blog in over a year. It wasn't long after the last post here, from March 2024, that we learned Biff's treatment wasn't working. I didn't know how to share that news on the blog. And our focus shifted to "living" as much as we could in however much time he had left.
And we had some wonderful adventures. I hope to share at least some of that at the Memorial. And, I hope to someday go ahead and write and share about it here - or in some other media or format.
He died peacefully in his sleep February 12, 2025. I can't believe it has been a bit more than 6 months now. I'm not okay, in a general sense, and yet I am. Grief is brutal. Everything seems impossibly hard. But caring for him the last couple of years taught me that I am stronger than I knew. Taught me I could love more unconditionally than I knew.
I miss him so much.
I'm looking forward to finally celebrating him publicly. There is so much to celebrate.
Biff is doing great. He uses the cane almost exclusively now (instead of a walker), feeling very steady on his feet most of the time. The home service for physical therapy set up by the rehab when he came home has ended, but we asked if the VA would order more, and we have a new service sending a nurse for their initial evaluation tomorrow. Would be great to get that going again, very motivating for him!
He had an appointment with a Neurologist from the VA, and we asked about getting Occupational Therapy specifically for his hands, and the doctor said she'd order. Haven't heard back on that yet, but we'll ask the nurse doing the evaluation for PT tomorrow - they might be able to put in that request from their end, too. His hands are getting more and more nimble, but he still struggles with the fine motor skills (he hates writing anything by hand because his hand gets tired so quickly). Figure it can't hurt for him to get some specific therapy to build that functionality back up faster.
His appetite is still better than it had been, so he's eating pretty well. His weight is hovering around 150 lbs. He'd like to add some more muscle to his arms and legs, get his weight up to hover around 155 or so. We've bought him some new clothes for his new size finally. Now we just have to cull and purge some of the clothes that are way too big now!
His week working on "Night Court" was wonderful. I wish now I'd gone with him into the Stage more, rather than hang out in his dressing room (which was quite nice), just so I could have taken more pictures throughout the week. As it was, I really only took pictures on the day of taping. Here's a selection...
Quick view of his dressing room taken on the first day. Otherwise, the pictures below are from the final day.
They had pictures of him from when he was last on the show, and they basically recreated his beard to match up!
The actor prepares... "Places!" With Melissa Rauch, (Biff in the center), Nyambi Nyambi, John Larroquette, and assorted extras.
I'm happy to report the crew/staff were quite diverse. This pic is of some of the costume/make up/hair folks - great to see fun off-camera "characters," too!
These are the chairs the costume/make up/hair folks used (with me in the VIP section). They each brought in their own and rearranged as necessary, with their "stuff" in the pockets and on the little tables and cup holders... At this particular moment, they were all off working on the actors/extras between takes.
Quick anecdote: I overheard a couple of the make up/hair women talking about how funny Biff is, so I butted into the conversation (they were sitting right next to me). We talked about how they recreated his beard and offered to give me the contact info for someone who could build one for Biff to have for whenever he needs it. They said they couldn't give him the one they'd created (which they built on his face with multiple pieces) because they needed to keep it for when Biff comes back again!
Fingers crossed they get picked up for another season. This season is basically done, with only two more episodes to air. A short season, I imagine due to the Writers and Actors strikes...
I hadn't realized how long it had been since I'd gone to a sitcom taping until I saw the cameras! No longer those huge, black film cameras I remember from the last millennium. LOL And they use four now, instead of three!
This was my actual view for most of it. That's John Larroquette, India de Beaufort (both main cast), and David Foley, a Guest Star for the episode.
Fixing a light issue between takes.
My view of the main audience bleachers. The "warm up" guy worked really hard all the way through the taping, entertaining the audience between every take, not just warming them up at the top.
I wandered forward and grabbed this shot between takes. (Honestly, it was freezing at my seat, so I started getting up to stand in different spots...) I thought this was funny, John Larroquette standing a head taller than those surrounding him.
Last pic on our way out after the taping wrapped. Biff, sans recreated beard, with the Director, Kelly Park.
You can catch the episode Tuesday, March 19th, on NBC!
The cast and crew were so nice. They love Biff, and they took pretty good care of him, too. I won't lie, it took a few days to recover after the taping day. That day was long (the rest of the week, he only worked a few hours each day), and he was on his feet a lot (he'd leave the cane just offstage when he was in the scene), and we hadn't anticipated the chaotic schedule in terms of him eating (we'll do better with that next time). But he was a trooper and did an excellent job!
He's had some auditions, too, although nothing booked yet. Here is a clip of one brief "scene" he had to do (NSFW - DO NOT SHARE! - raw take I'm sharing for fun):
They might cast him for this part, although they've had him do another audition video for a bigger part since, and we're waiting to hear (they have checked his availability, so we're hopeful).
In the meantime, life feels a little more normal lately. Still a slog and still rough at times, but Biff is much less of an invalid now. It's heartening.
His latest immuno therapy infusion treatment on March 6th was the easiest yet. We were able to go in at 10am instead of 8am, which made a huge difference in terms of how early we had to get up to crawl through morning commute traffic. And it was the first time Biff didn't sleep the rest of the day afterward! He didn't even take a nap. So nice that the fatigue didn't knock him down.
He gets a new scan this coming week, and we'll see the Oncologist after that to find out how well the treatment is working on the cancer. I'm optimistic. He's doing so well, his color is good, appetite better, energy better. Hoping for good news!
Other than that, I've been trying to keep myself moving forward, slow as it can be some days. Have made it a daily priority to work on digital art (learning, experimenting, webinars, etc.) and I continue to add Zentangles to my beautiful book. At least a little bit every day! Really does help ease some of the relentless stress while I work out how to find balance in our new reality. I'm so grateful to have such an abundance of tools and resources available!
Oh, as for my Jury Duty Summons, I was not called in until the last day of the week, last Friday, and all of us called that day were put into the one trial they were working to fill. As there was no way I could actually serve on the trial (they anticipated it would be up to 3 weeks long), I explained our situation and was dismissed. I felt remarkably guilty. So hard to not do what was being asked by the court, my country - crazy as it sounds... I truly felt torn. It can really suck to be a hopeless people pleaser. Ridiculous. But I was truly grateful the Judge said, "Go home and take care of your husband."
Otherwise, here are just a few more pictures from the last few weeks. Enjoy!
We've had so much rain!
It even looks like we have a great lawn in our front yard...
Our puppies continue to bond.
We celebrated Bopper's 10th birthday, too!
Had a nice visit with our pal, "Uncle Gibby!"
As you can tell from the floor, the dogs had strewn toy guts about...
I voted, too!
(LOL - he has clothes that fit much better now.)
Hope everyone is having a great Spring. I'll be in touch with more news soon. Thanks again for all the support. It means more than I can say. XOXO
Wow, it's been over a month since I posted an update! I'd say I can't believe it, but the truth is, I do believe it. LOL It's been hectic for me the last couple of months...
The good news is that Biff is doing great! He's gained about 10 lbs. since he's been home, hovering around 150 lbs. now. He's eating much better. His appetite is better and the residual taste problems continue to resolve.
He's had two of the new immuno-only infusion treatments now (they happen every three weeks). The first one left him pretty fatigued for several days, but he really picked up energy and strength once he'd recovered a bit. And then the second treatment knocked him back, but not nearly as much. Don't get me wrong, he still wears out relatively quickly, and he's not pushing himself too hard to be super active on a daily basis, but he's making excellent progress.
One of the common side effects of the immuno therapy is impact on his thyroid. They've added thyroid medication to counteract that issue (I don't fully understand - have gotten a couple of different explanations, but his test number should be 5 or less and his was at 14 - whatever that number measures!?!?), and that is probably helping with the fatigue, according to his Oncologist when we saw him last Thursday.
Biff's blood pressure still tends to hover at the very lowest edge of the acceptable range, but he doesn't notice any impact - he doesn't feel dizzy or anything. Although that can also be contributing to the fatigue issue.
He's completed the currently approved at-home Physical Therapy sessions, and we're waiting for a new evaluation. I believe they will either approve more at-home sessions, or they will decide he's ready to go to on-site sessions. We'll find out!
In the meantime, he's still being seen by a nurse at the house once a week, and we have an aid that comes once a week to help him shower. Perhaps that's an abundance of caution, but it's a big relief to have a trained professional come help him with that. No idea how long these services will continue. But, he's back in the VA system, seeing various doctors already to keep everything on track.
A week or so after the next immuno infusion on March 6th, they will do another scan, and we'll go over those results with the Oncologist later that week, see how well the treatment is working on the cancer. I feel pretty hopeful on that front because his appetite is improving and he's gaining weight. So, fingers crossed!
I was projecting my laptop screen to the TV, and
this old pic of BW came up on the desktop rotation,
so I had Biff stand to take a comparison pic.
Those pants are actually brand new - and still SO baggy!
We're waiting for some new jeans we ordered, in a
slimmer style. He kinda likes his pants loose anyway,
but it was a little ridiculous with some of his old pairs.
Some exciting news, too: he's been booked to come back on "Night Court" as his recurring character, Kenny! Even though he doesn't look quite the same these days. So, he'll be working on the Warner Bros. lot next week.
I'll be able to drive him and even hang out to keep an eye on him. I know that lot well, having worked for WB for a few years awhile back. I figure I'll find out if someone is going to be able to take extra care of him when we go in on Monday, when I plan to stick around for the whole time no matter what. If they do, I may not stay the whole time every day, but I can. Even if I just go hang out at the Commissary with my laptop and stuff, so I'm handy if needed.
I'll admit, I'm a little nervous about it, but I'm shifting to excited to see him get back out there. We've been doing some taped auditions lately, too, although he hasn't heard back on any of those yet. Thank goodness, in a way. He's not ready for a crazy busy schedule (neither am I - I've had to juggle a variety of appointments for next week as it is). But working on a sitcom, in a situation he's already familiar with, and they love him (he was on the original "Night Court" back in the 80s/early 90s, and they asked him back for the new version back in 2022 - three or four episodes now!) - if he can handle any on-camera work, he should be able to handle this! We will, of course, let everyone know when the episode is going to air when the time comes.
Otherwise, the pups are doing well. Wiggles really has some trouble with the rain - does not like to go out in the wet and cold to do her business, so accidents have continued in the house, but she's a delight and learning. We'll get that sorted eventually. She's more and more affectionate with all of us, although I think Bopper is still her favorite. They cuddle together a lot lately.
I added some blur to the background to emphasize
the "heart" shape they made in this pic...
There are two of these little beds, but they like to share one sometimes...
Getting out to walk whenever the rain breaks!
We had a really foggy morning recently,
- but so much green...
And another cute cuddle photo op when we got back home!
As for me, I have to admit the last two months have often been brutal. The load has often felt too heavy, and I've struggled. Sank into a pretty dark place for a couple of weeks. But I'm getting a better handle on dealing with everything. Have adjusted my depression/anxiety meds, too, and started talk therapy again (although I'm not sure this new therapist is a great fit yet, but I'll give it a couple more sessions before I consider a change). I am basically handling (sometimes better than other times) everything. The most distressing issue now is an excessive amount of complicated paperwork, in part because I jumped on catching some things up while he was in the hospital/rehab, following up on outstanding projects, and more things have developed in terms of medical insurance issues, and more craziness with LIFE CRAP that can lead me to moments of hysteria. I'm trying to just accept and roll with it, do the best I can and be at peace with that, but it is still overwhelming me at times.
And it's just been a season of nothing going easy. Like discovering during the rodent extermination treatment that we have subterranean termites and then a water pipe being broken during the treatment for those nasty termites, which stopped everything on that treatment and has left our outside water turned off since the pipe broke - back on December 29th! So, I've been dealing with trying to get the exterminator company to get the pipe fixed for about two months now, not to mention finish the termite treatment. Hell, I had a crazy nightmare ordering pizza when we had some dear friends come over to watch Self-Reliance at the house! I mean, c'mon - ordering pizza is usually a slam-dunk!
And it was really fun to get a Jury Summons, too.........ðŸ˜
But I'm doing better now. I know there will be times I sink into the pit again, but those times pass. And I never completely gave into it this time. Years in the past, I would have climbed into bed for at least a week. This time, I still was able to do what absolutely had to be done to take care of our family and household. Honestly, that's a huge victory for me!
And I'm making it a priority to take some time for creative pursuits, particularly digital art, but I'm also hoping to get a creative writing practice going. And I've started to Zentangle again. It's so fun and also quite relaxing. My beloved sister, Daphne, gave me a cool blank book for Christmas. It's cover reminded me of Zentangles, and I wasn't sure how I would fill the book... Then I realized it would be a perfect opportunity to get back to doing Zentangle! It is a meditative practice.
I narrated this quick tour of my Zentangle book-so-far, but you really don't need to listen.
Maybe I'll even find time to read books again soon. LOL For some reason, I haven't been great at giving that favorite activity any time at all. If I have a moment to read, I tend to read news on my phone. And I have had recurring periods of obsessively playing games on my phone, which I finally broke free from. Games are great, and they helped when I needed a distraction, but I much prefer to spend that time on other pursuits, and I'm pleased to have figured out how to give myself permission to prioritize those pursuits as best I can during this transitional time in our lives.
I continue to learn about strength I didn't know I had. And how to forgive myself for not always being solid and cheerful. Caretaking is a tough job. And finding balance will be an ongoing process. Onward and onward.
And I know Biff continues to find strength and resilience and is looking forward to getting back to his career again. Things will never return to the life we led before all this - and, hell, the pandemic before that! And that's okay. We're in the process of figuring out what's most important and what's possible to have in this new life before us.
Usually life changes in less dramatic ways, little by little, less painfully, less noticed. But the truth is, it is always changing. Just gotta keep going and enjoy the change, the revelations, the growth. Even when it's painful. It seeems to me, in this moment right now, it's the pain that reveals the profound. If that makes any sense.
I truly hope 2024 is treating everyone well. May you all be safe, warm, dry, and comfortable.
A quick update - I'm super busy these days, so it's harder to manage a more detailed post.
We spoke to the Oncologist late yesterday afternoon. Biff is going to resume Immuno infusion treatment for the cancer next week Wednesday (January 24). He's doing well with his recovery, and we all decided he's ready to get back on that horse.
Now we need to keep our fingers crossed that he doesn't have to deal with much in terms of side effects. The dosage will be the same as he received before - but there won't be any chemo, nor the extra meds that go along with that (anti-nausea, etc.). As the doc put it before, however, there is "low risk, not no risk." At least, the infusion sessions will be much shorter!
And, we also will keep our fingers crossed that this treatment manages his cancer well. We won't know about that until after three infusions - which will be every 3 weeks, so we'll know more on this point mid March.
In the meantime, he's doing well with his PT (he even went to the grocery store with me today), his appetite is getting better (slowly) - and he gained a couple pounds!
Happy trails for 2024!
Following are a few random recent pics with friends, etc.
With Cam and Connor!
With Francesca!
Another with Cam and Connor (Hollywood sign in the distant background - Connor was visiting from back East for a few days)!
It was a pretty chaotic holiday season. My apologies for not updating this blog sooner. I hope everyone had a great holiday season and festive New Year celebrations!
We had the joy of bringing Biff home on December 30th, so our New Year's celebration was a good one, albeit quiet and simple. Biff continues to get better and better every day.
We've already seen his Oncologist. To give him a little more time to recover, cancer treatment is waiting another couple of weeks, but we expect to resume immunotherapy soon. No chemo planned for now.
In the meantime, we have home health care and physical therapy on the schedule and already happening. He's eating better, his sense of taste returning, but we still need to work on his appetite, put a little meat back on those bones!
His recover has been truly remarkable. He did a virtual press junket with Jake Johnson yesterday morning... Tonight, we are attending a Hulu premiere party for Self Reliance, which drops on Hulu on Friday, January 12th. They are sending a car! We're not sure how long we'll be staying, but it is exciting that Biff will get to have a "red carpet" moment for this wonderful film. We were able to go see it on the Big Screen on January 3rd (a one night only event), and it's a blast. And Biff is great!
In the meantime, I'd prepared a video to show at an annual holiday party Biff had to miss this year, and I've ended up expanding it into a small tribute to his resilience during this intense and difficult time in his life. I will be posting it on social media, but here it is if you want to check it out. It's just under 10 minutes long, so you have been warned. (Apparently, I really don't know how to be brief - LOL.)
Wishing everyone the best, and I'll be updating again soon.
Okay, once again, it's been too long since my last update. It's been a grind, what can I say... But I have wonderful news!
Biff is scheduled to be discharged from rehab on December 30th! He's been doing very well with therapy. He's worked really hard, and it has been difficult, but he has excelled and exceeded the expectations of all his therapists.
There will be Home Health care to follow (a nurse will visit once a week, and he'll have physical therapy twice a week). Possibly some private help, in particular I'm exploring the possibility of a night-sitter, which will (hopefully) allow me to sleep better through the night knowing someone is ready to help him if he needs it for any reason. No matter what, we must avoid future falls!!!
Further, when I called to leave a message for his Oncologist about the discharge, he answered the phone himself! (I was so shocked, I acted like an idiot LOL.) We've already scheduled a CT Scan for the 3rd, and we'll meet with the doctor on the 4th to discuss resuming his cancer treatment!
And now, for something entirely different, I'm sharing the poster for the movie Biff finished shooting the weekend before his throat surgery back last December: Self-Reliance.
Look at Biff, right there in the center!
It will be shown in 250 AMC theaters across the country on January 3rd only. A very limited theatrical run before it drops on Hulu. Click here to look for locations and times! If that doesn't work, run a search for "Self-Reliance AMC January 3 2024" adding your area at the end. Obviously, it isn't going to show up everywhere - but there will be Hulu after that, which is available everywhere!
I'm so glad we'll be able to go see it once in a "real" movie theater!!!
Also, I've already arranged to take him out of the rehab facility for the afternoons of both Christmas Eve and Day (which also happens to be our wedding anniversary). Woo hoo!
So, here we are, about to turn another corner in this crazy adventure! This man, this Biff Wiff, continues to beat the odds. Seriously, people at the rehab (nurses, aides, therapists, guests of his roommate, etc.) all tell him they are amazed by the improvement since he was transferred there on December 4th.
Not to mention the difference from November 19th in the hospital after his second surgery when it looked like he might not make it home ever again...
Love to everybody - may all the days be merry and bright, at least in spirit! May there be peace on earth and goodwill to all.
And, for something sweet and joyful, if you'd like to learn more about our surprise wedding back in 2018, click on "Read more" below.
Well, it's been a busy week or so, and I'm always out of time and energy to get back on the blog. So, here's the major news, to get you all caught up on the current situation.
The night of December 4th, Biff was discharged to a Skilled Nursing Rehab facility. In some ways it's great, but, of course, he still wants to come home. Really, really wants to come home. Unforuntately, although he is doing well with Physical and Occupational Therapy and improving every day in every way, he's still too weak to come home just yet.
The facility is okay. The food is much better than the hospital! And his swallow function has improved a lot, and he's able to eat regular food, though still on the softer side. He's still struggling with appetite, but at least he's happy to eat most things they bring now, and the appetite seems to be growing a little. He did lose a pound in the last week (down to 138 lbs.), so I try to be there for one or two meals every day, encourage him, help him when he needs help feeding himself. He's gotten much better at all of that, although soup is still too tricky. But his right hand is getting stronger and the fine motor skills are working hard to come back.
He speaks better and better, too, and he's getting quite steady on his feet, walking with a walker and supervision more and more. We all, Biff included, consider keeping him from falling again a top priority, but he's able to do for himself more every day, even as he's supervised. He also is starting to really get into doing exercises in bed for his arms and legs. And I've brought him pen and paper, encouraging him to practice writing a little every day. His hand wears out fast, but he keeps at it.
One of the nice things is I can take him outside (and he can wear his own clothes!). Here's the first time I took him out on the 7th:
He wears a sun hat and sunglasses when he goes out now.
A little "blinded by the light" here. LOL
There are sliding glass doors to a courtyard in his room, too - having the natural light is a big help. Here he is working a word search puzzle - practicing with the pen!
There have been visitors, always fun, including one that created a potential COVID "exposure" (okay, that isn't fun, even though the visit was). The visitor who later tested positive was masked the entire visit, and Biff and I are both recently boosted on the vaccination, too. Neither of us ever had any symptoms and tested negative, but they did ask me to stay away for 3 days and test negative again before returning. It was lonely for both of us, although we spoke on the phone multiple times each day. I've got his phone set up so he can more easily call me. And he's poking his head into emails and texts a bit, but it's hard for his hands to manage the cell easily. So, small steps, you know?
One of the coolest things that's happened is the trailer has dropped on YouTube for the movie he did with Jake Johnson called Self-Reliance. One of Biff's last projects before he had to start cancer treatment. It's finally going to drop on Hulu next month! He actually shot some new, additional footage the weekend before he had surgery on his throat last December. I can't wait.
Okay, finally, they removed more than 62 staples and one thread suture from the incisions on his head. If you would like to see pictures of the scar (it's a doozy), click the "Read more" below. Otherwise, I'll be posting another update as soon as I can manage it. Our dear guy has dodged death about 3 extra times this go round. It boggles my mind.
Now, over all this, we have to get him healthy enough to resume his cancer treatment as soon as possible. Keeping a close eye on all that, as we battle this new front. Gotta hand it to him: his determination is undaunted. Me and the dogs can't wait till he can come home safely.
